Building Rapport with NLP In a Day For Dummies by Romilla Ready

Author:Romilla Ready
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2012-05-21T00:00:00+00:00

Have you ever heard a dispute that goes something like the following one between a manager and a team member in the office? To demonstrate the different language styles, we show the predicates (the sensory-specific words and expressions) in italics:

Manager: (Betty) ‘I can’t see your point of view about your appraisal’ (visual).

Employee: (Bill) ‘Well, can we talk about it further?’ (auditory).

Betty: ‘It’s perfectly clear to me – just black and white’ (visual).

Bill: ‘If you’d discuss it, it may be more harmonious around here’ (auditory).

Betty: ‘Just have a closer look. I’m sure you’ll get a better perspective’ (visual).

Bill: ‘You never listen, do you? End of conversation’ (auditory).

Betty, the manager, stays with visual language, and the employee, Bill, is stuck in auditory mode: they’re disconnected and not making progress.

Here’s how a third person – maybe Bob from human resources or another department – can help to shift the dispute:

1. Bob sums up the situation in visual mode to Betty and auditory mode to Bill. The conversation goes something like:

‘So, Betty, it looks like you have a clear picture of the situation (visual). And Bill, you’ve still got some important questions to talk through (auditory).’ (Heads nod in agreement.)

2. Then Bob shifts into the third system (kinaesthetic), which is neutral ground for both arguing parties.

‘You both want to get this moving and off the agenda. So how about we all kick around the stumbling blocks for an hour in my office, reshape the problem and finally put it to bed.’

One of our colleagues, Helen, was a touch sceptical about the language differences when she first became curious about NLP. Yet she experienced one of those wonderful light-bulb moments when she first discovered her own representational systems and decided to play with them at home before trying them out in her business life. She noticed how her husband, Peter, sometimes switched off and seemed uninterested when she wanted to talk about important decisions at home. She wondered whether changing the words she used would have any effect.

Helen says: ‘I’d be ready to talk to him about pretty major issues such as which schools the girls should go to or whether we should go ahead and spend thousands of pounds on redesigning the kitchen, and all I’d get was a cursory “Yup, fine” or “No, not now.” I realised that having a strong kinaesthetic preference, I often began a conversation with: “Peter, how do you feel about XYZ?” I also noticed that he used plenty of visual language. So I thought I’d give it a go and ask him: “Peter, how do you see XYZ?” The difference, when I began playing with it and slipping more visual words into the conversation, was quite staggering. The change was so easy to make and, hey presto, I got his attention. It was almost magical!’

NLP suggests that everyone has the capacity to develop their sensory representational systems, by simply moving their bodies or turning off the mobile phone to see what’s going on around them.

As with any system, making a

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